Recently, I heard a lecture on forgiveness, saying that it was an act of the will. I have heard this before, and it made me think more about why I have found this difficult in the past to believe and to practice.
There are a couple of reasons why I find this hard to practice. One is because I find myself naturally drawn towards trying to do everything right. When I hear forgiveness is an act of the will and I just have to ask God to help me to accept it, I will have forgiven another person. I know from experience that asking God for help or saying I forgive someone are not enough to truly forgive. This may be an action of the will, but in my experience, the will does not surrender itself so quickly or easily.
The second reason why I find forgiveness hard to practice is that I am afraid of being hurt again if I let go of my hurt. I am not sure how clear this may sound to you, but in my experience, if someone is bigger than you, you want to try to protect yourself by instinct, and you may feel unsafe to open yourself to this person just because of intimidation. I have had this experience many times where I am overwhelmed by a person, and I feel like I need to keep a distance for my own safety. I know that this doesn't work because we are surrounded by people all the time, and isolating does not really protect us.
One thing I have found helpful has been meditation on bible verses about forgiveness and God's love. In memorizing 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear, and Hebrews 9:14 How much more, then, shall the blood of Christ...cleanse our conscience[...] I have learned that my mind and heart need to understand God's love and Christ's forgiveness first, before I can extend that love to another person.
I have also found fasting helpful, and I have received God's help to forgive in a difficult situation - a three-day fast was time set aside for God to work this in my soul. I was able to forgive by the third day, and I believe God gave me this ability by the power of His Spirit.
Over the last several years, I have come to see that fasting, worshiping, reading scripture and meditating can be very useful but also require wisdom to be undertaken - especially, our heart and mind must understand and freely choose these - our will cannot be 'coerced' into the process if we are not ready or don't want to move closer to Christ. I believe this is why God sent Christ to us, not vice-versa, because we need him on a daily basis, and we need him to help us choose the right things and desire to do his will day in and day out. I still think that we should seek him, but if the heart won't change - it might not help.
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